Believe it or not, there have been a couple of ‘nice’ things that IVF has brought into my life! Things that I really enjoy now that would not be in my life if I hadn’t had to experience fertility treatments! There are also many positive ways in which it has changed me personally and my relationships towards other people, including my husband, my family and friends!
It’s very hard to find a silver lining on an IVF cloud but I think it’s really important to find at least one! I’ve been listening to a CD every morning on my way to work about mindset and one of the things it suggests is to always try and find one positive in the thing that’s really bothering or annoying you! I guess it takes some of the enormity out of the thing that’s taking up so much of your mind.
Since the day we got confirmation that we needed to do IVF, we have been complaining about it! The expense of it, the pain of it, (emotionally and physically) the uncertainty of it and so on. There’s nothing ‘happy’ about it and you just get really fed up of all the tests and procedures that need to be done in the run up to each round. But since our second round failed, I have really tried to embrace some of the things that IVF has brought into my life that have actually been beneficial to me. Everyone has to find their own but these have been mine and I hope it helps to share!
1. Skin and Body Care
I’ve always been interested in natural products when it comes to skin and body care. Not long into my experience of IVF I read a book called ‘It starts with the egg’ by Rebecca Fett and it opened my eyes even more to the amount of toxins we apply to our skin every day. It encouraged me to go looking for products that were free from all the unnatural toxic stuff and I found the Dr.Organic range in my local Holland and Barrett and I haven’t looked back. There is a huge choice of really nice products from moisturisers to deodorants, cleansers and body washes. My favourites are the Rose 🌹 range of products and I’ve genuinely felt the benefits of using them.
I highly recommend the products from ‘The Beauty Kitchen’ range too. I discovered them in Holland and Barrett also and absolutely love the smell and feel of the creams, masks etc. They are totally natural and gorgeous.
2. Diet and Fitness
I would never have classified myself as a bad eater and my fitness levels have always been ok-ish but the advice I’ve had since starting out in IVF has really opened up a whole new way of thinking about food and wellbeing. It’s been very beneficial to me to have moved away from certain foods, introducing lots of new foods and new ways of cooking. I haven’t gone completely ‘vegan’ but it’s nice to know that the foods I give myself now are more nourishing than draining and the amount of processed meat I include in my diet is getting less and less all the time. I also stopped drinking caffeinated drinks. My old tea bags were thrown out and once the headaches subsided after a few days, it really was no effort at all just to drink decaf teas or as I prefer now, herbal brands that don’t have a trace of caffeine in them! As a result I am no longer a caffeine addict and I have lots of really lovely tea flavours that I enjoy throughout the day!! It’s a lovely feeling to know I’m learning to treat my body with the greatest of respect when it comes to food and drink choices. I don’t see any of it as making ‘sacrifices’, I see it as some of the benefits that IVF have brought into my life.
I knew that fitness would also help with the mental and emotional strain that IVF brings into your life. I had always enjoyed team sports and wasn’t a lover of the gym but I asked my family to get me a 6 month gym membership for my 38th birthday and I have just renewed my membership for another 6 months after finding so much comfort in the gym. I know it sounds funny but the workout or the swim in the pool makes me feel proud of myself. Not being able to conceive or having failed IVF cycles can leave you feeling soul destroyed. My time at the gym gives me a chance to turn that anger and pain into an energy that I give back to myself in a positive way. I also started swimming lessons after years of complaining about my lack of swimming skill and it gives my mind a chance to think about something else even if it’s only for a few hours.
3. Relationships
Living an IVF life will make and break relationships. It has caused the most unexpected developments in so many of my relationships. For starters, myself and my husband were mid way through planning our wedding after 10 years together, when we found out about our IVF fate. We prioritised our wedding, got married and tried to prepare ourselves for what was ahead of us. At first, we thought we had accepted it and did lots of research and preparation for our first round of IVF but nothing prepares you for it going wrong or not working and after two unsuccessful cycles later, our relationship feels like it has been through 20 rounds in the IVF ring and we have had to face the most unexpected situations of unification and division over and over as we try to keep moving forwards.
As a result, we are different. Different people and naturally a different couple to how we were 12 years ago. I now have a type of loyalty and understanding to my husband that I have never had nor will ever have with anyone else in life. IVF has given us that ‘opportunity’. I know he’d rather that we didn’t have to go through so much pain but we have a depth in our partnership and relationship that I could never have expected.
Friendships have also 1. Gained strength and 2. Disappeared. My adventures in IVF have brought me closer to some friends and further away from others. I’ve been a little sad about the friends that don’t mean as much to me anymore but when my struggles with IVF began, I learned so much more about the type of people I kept company with. I guess the word ‘shallow’ is the best word to describe how some of those friendships broke down. Realising that some friends didn’t care to make the effort to understand my struggles made me less likely to be around them. The people I’ve grown closer too are the friends who have experienced painful situations that they too have gained strength from, rather than grumbled about it. The people I’ve grown closer to are the ones who have tried to get closer to me even when I’ve been hiding away in my sadness.
Put it this way, when it comes to relationships (of all kinds), IVF exposes a lot but most importantly it gives you the opportunity to see who the people are in your life that really count.
So despite, the grey, cloudy, bitterly cold days that IVF brings with it, it occasionally shines a great light on many parts of life. I can’t speak for you, but for me, it’s so important to acknowledge those opportunities and see them as a silver lining on this otherwise gloomy cloud.
⛅️
Faith Beyond Fear 